2003-09-28 - 10:45 p.m.
Teachergirl it stoopid
That’s what one of my kids wrote about me on Friday afternoon. I leaned over and said…uh-huh….yeah, I think you want an “s” there, not an “t”. is not it. and, yeah, “stoopid” is spelled with a u. but, hey, you got the name right! Man, I should have saved it. that was classic.
I haven’t written in a while. Things have been bad. Very incredibly bad. My principal thinks I’m not able to do my job, and I kinda have to agree. After 45 minutes of detailing my shortcomings and failures, he asked me
“so can you do this?”
me “do what?”
him “this job.”
me “yeah. I think so. yeah.”
he stared at me
me “it’s just hard.”
I don’t think I can.
He sent me an email about a week ago listing seven “areas of concern,” things he found me “unsatisfactory” at doing. I’m not very happy. I got the letter at my planning time and I started crying. I started and I couldn’t stop. I tried to go pick up my kids at PE, but the coach saw how puffy my eyes were and told me to go back to my room. The media specialist kept my kids. I kept saying to myself “keep it together keep to together keep it together” and it just wouldn’t keep together! I called my mom that night in a tizzy and was busy. she said “can you put the crisis on hold?” man. so that’s how things have been for me. My little crazy lady was suspended twice. She got suspended the day of coming back from suspension. She came back from that and decided to lock herself in the bathroom while banging on the walls and screaming. She went home again. Now she’s been put in another teacher’s room. I know that this was a test. They gave me the toughest kid because I’m the new teacher and I need to prove myself. It was a test and I failed. Miserably. I’m drowning. There’s so much paperwork and I don’t know what I’m doing. Every question I ask gives me ten more and the people I’m asking don’t even look up from what they’re grading to answer me. I called the teacher’s union after I got that letter and they hooked me up with a mentor teacher. I hope it helps. If it gets much worse, I’m going to have to leave. If I get an unsatisfactory review from the principal, I’m not allowed to work in the district for 3 years. I’ll just have to leave.
On the up side, I had a very nice weekend with my dad. We spent the holiday together eating apples and honey and watching movies. It was very nice.
I need more nice.
